It’s a painful experience to be with a guy you feel a deep connection with only to find him pulling away and losing interest. Have you ever been with a man who seemed to really like you, only to begin distancing himself and saying he is notready for a commitment? Why is it that he ends up marrying the next woman he dates? Was he lying when he said he wasn’t ready for a commitment?

The answer comes down to deep emotional attraction. In all likelihood, he was not lying when he said he wasn’t ready for a commitment. In fact, unlike women, men’s default mode is that they are not ready for a commitment. It takes a special kind of deep emotional attraction for a man to feel compelled to keep a woman in his life with a shared promise of committed intentions for the future. What is it that creates that intense emotional bond for men?

I can tell you one thing for certain. Men experience relationships for what they are in the present moment. This is a stereotype, but because there is so much truth in it you would be foolish to ignore its implications for your relationships with men. Research with men and women in the early stages of dating relationships have shown that women often consider themselves to be “in a relationship” by the time the third date rolls around.

On the other hand, men do not consider themselves to be in a relationship until several months of exclusive dating have occurred. Even when he’s dating only one woman, a man will often be surprised that his counterpart feels the relationship has reached a level of commitment that would exclude the possibility of dating other people without hurting her feelings. Why is that?

Again, it comes back to the fact that men tend to spend less time plotting and planning the course of their lives in terms of relationships. They simply are not in the same mental space as women when it comes to the level of thoughtfulness put into each relationship they find themselves in. For men to reach a point where they desire a committed relationship, something very significant must occur first. They must experience an intense emotional attraction that causes them to feel less alive when they’re not in your presence.


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